*obsessively reblogs thinspo as if it will make me skinny*
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I’m certainly not hungry, I’ve eaten wayyy too much today, but I just want to eat and eat and eat food.
Tonight going to me a night of a lot of green tea and black coffee
Meanspo or sweetspo at me PLEASE. Need some major help here tonight
I need someone to help get my back to losing rather than gaining
These past few days I’ve been in such turmoil thinking that “well obviously my eating isn’t disordered at all, I’ve been eating so so much this past week so I’ve just been lying to myself”
Then this morning I’ve just woken up with the realisation that the past week I’ve been eating so much BECAUSE of disordered eating. I’ve literally been binge eating and not realise it.
Hardly eating all day then eating more than I need, more than I want, past the point of feeling sick with the amount I’m eating and hating myself as I’m doing it.
I really fucking hate myself sometimes. I just want to be skinny and this has set me back yet again.
Getting back on it tomorrow for definite this time. Sleep in a little, tidy house,12 till 5 shift, then gym, then home to cook for my fiancé (so I’ve got to eat then but if I just have a small banana and some veggies till then I should be ok till dinner)
i really hate those proana/thinspo posts that are like “do you want to look like this or this” and then uses pictures of random fat women to compare to pictures of skinny women.
like how fucking dare you. they’re both beautiful and just because im unhappy with my bpdy doesnt mean i have any right to tell fat people that they are ugly or undesirable.
dont ever call someone a pig or ugly or a cow just because you call yourself that. you have no right to abuse someone like that. you just end up being no better than the people who called you all those things when you were in school.
Say it louder for the people in the back !
My weight has gone up and down so much with my moods with bipolar (I always lose loads when manic and gain loads in depression)
But it’s been different this time
Feels totally different this time.
I’m determined and it’s nothing to do with my moods.
And nobody will care or notice that my head space isn’t doing this the right way because I’m not in the ‘healthy weight’ category on the charts anyway. So I can go so far before anyway says anything anyway
My weight has gone up and down so much with my moods with bipolar (I always lose loads when manic and gain loads in depression)
But it’s been different this time
Feels totally different this time.
I’m determined and it’s nothing to do with my moods.
And nobody will care or notice that my head space isn’t doing this the right way because I’m not in the ‘healthy weight’ category on the charts anyway. So I can go so far before anyway says anything anyway
Had a day for eating quite a lot today so I don’t end up doing a full out binge where I eat two big chocolate bars and a tub or ice cream or something like that as I could feel it coming on.
So I ate so much I feel disgusted at myself but I know it’s better for me long term